really old posts. ps. just got my internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturdays are always the most lonely days. Unfortunately, that’s when I feel like I want to talk to those I miss- which then turns into a big mistake. After feeling like a big pathetic loser, I therapeutically hopped in the car and drove into the mountain valleys. Listening to Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz seemed to do the trick, and I found myself watching one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen on the road.

By the way, I got my computer today, and now can write lots of posts without the ability to put them online… oh, and here’s an interesting story. Thursday, Sarah and I went to the San Diego County fair to take advantage of the $14.95 monthly internet special at the rumored SBC booth. Well, we didn’t find it- but we did watch a live concert of the Spin Doctors and the Gin Blossoms. Funny eh?



1:14 am

I was going to go to sleep a few hours ago, when I realized that I hadn’t heard from Sarah. After that, I just didn’t want to go to sleep anymore and decided to watch my home videos from the beginning. I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. (well, I take that back- since the wedding). Everything is so great: Christmas night at Betsy’s, Smear news reports with Amber and Shannon, interviews and walks of life at Drake University, Dancing and James Bond in Trout Hall, close ups of the hottest pot smoker I’ve ever met- (I still want to marry you, Nick), Muppet Babies with my sister, Doug Blocksma and his little black book, Ben Jones’ SDA 101 speech on Hanson, etc. etc.
The only negative parts are my ugly dyed hair, lip zit on spring break, and constantly cracking voice. I hate my voice. I used to have cute feet. I wonder what happened. I do sport some cute hair styles though.

It’s funny how watching something can bring back smells.

I had so much fun at Amber’s wedding. It was so great seeing everybody. I really am ready to move back to Michigan, but I really don’t know what I’d do and where I’d live. I decided that I’d want to move to Kalamazoo, but by the time I do, everyone will be gone. My grandma already is, and Betsy and Matt want to leave as soon as possible. Maybe by the time I would come, Nick and Chris McPhilamy will have moved back. You’d love that, wouldn’t you amber J

Matt told me that I think about the past too much. This isn’t new news. I know Betsy has voiced that before too. I struggled with it for a while, tried to forget it and ultimately decided that -too bad, that’s just who I am. But to honor those with that opinion, I will dedicate this next part of the entry to them, and talk only of what’s new.

Today I woke up to the UPS guy bringing my computer. I’m sure I was a sight half asleep with my tangled hair and new, big, red hooded sweatshirt. I got it from the fair the other day. It’s super cute and quite huge, but I love it anyway. I spent an hour or so trying to order internet access, another hour simply trashing the apartment with my new boxes, and then another hour showering and sitting around.

My friend Cathy from the Mraz show sent me lots of new music- including Jack Johnson, the best of the police, No Doubt- the rarities, a couple Hanson cds, and Janet Jackson- design of a decade. There was also one I hadn’t heard of and the best of Boys II Men. I love new CD’s. I must swallow my pride and agree with Doug by saying that this Jack Johnson cd is very enjoyable. By the way- I tried to call you today doug, Not sure I have the right number. That goes for you too Ben. Is that Amy on your voice mail or someone else’s phone?

Other news, Mr. Hedley is trying to recruit me for Citi Bank, and I had my phone interview today. It went alright, and I’m not sure what’s going on in that department, but I thought- what the heck. I’m making $11.50 an hour. I could stand to get a little more professional here. Maybe then I could buy that house I’ve talked about for the last couple years.



Sarah and I are going to go to Sea World tomorrow. I got free tickets from work, so I guess I should go to sleep now. It is 2 after all. More later.


11:34 pm June 26th

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Sea World rules! I took too many pictures of Shamu and not enough of the end of the show- but it was great. I love performers. One guy shoved his way through our aisle and pretended that I grabbed his butt. Another pointed his drum stick at me and smiled, and the best of all- I found out that I can learn hip hop dance at Culture Shock in Old Town. I’m all over it. I’ve always wanted to know how to dance- and I know most of you know for a fact that I can’t….. but it’s one of the few things that really motivates me. There’s not a whole lot sexier than dancers. It just gives me such a high. My new identity is coming on: Personal finance consultant and hip hop dancer on the side.

Whew- nothing like a mocha at 9, hot drummers, and dancing to make that digestive track move.

Sarah and I are fed up. We had nice conversation about how we both find ourselves drawn to men that #1, don’t like us as much as we like them, #2, don’t treat us like we should and or want to be treated, and #3 are into things that we don’t really believe in. Damn men. We also don’t understand how men in general want action, but we’re left alone to stand detached and drooling. We look around, look at guys and just know they check out women and want a piece of ass. Problem is- we can’t get a stupid piece of ass!! We’re hot, but NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo, it’s either. “you’re not that kind of girl,” “starting something with you means starting something serious,” or the worst of them all- “you act like a mom.” Why aren’t we allowed to be as carnal as our male peers? Why can’t we just want to make out and get a piece of ass? And why don’t guys enjoy anything else physical besides thrusting their penis into us? We have hair to get tangled in, smooth skin to feel, a mouth to pleasure and numerous other things to enjoy. There’s a whole lot more to a good physical relationship besides intercourse. Unfortunately, that part sounds good too.

I’m going to be a dancer. And I’m going to watch Josie and the Pussycats. Night all, and happy Monday.


7:05 pm Friday, July 1st

I went to my “interview” for citi-bank last night and I felt like an idiot after I walked in the door. There was a huge room full of people- and most, if not all- were in jeans. Is jeans business casual? I didn’t think so, but then again, what do I know? My favorite part of the program was learning about a survey that was conducted on Dads. They were asked to name the worst profession of a man his daughter could marry, and the unanimous answer was an insurance salesman. Well, I guess I should get over my crush on Noel in the insurance department. Man is he sexy. I’m going to ride on his motorcycle some day- just wait and see.

As in the verdict on the job- it sounds interesting and productive, but I’d only do it part time. I’ll let you all know if I become a financial consultant and we can work together to reduce debt and become financially independent and productive.